Techniques of Forgiveness and Self-love from the book by L.Bourbeau


Here the stages of true forgiveness which are already passed by thousands of people and rewarded by wonderful results:

  1. Define the emotions (often they happen a little). Realize what you accuse yourself or other person of, and define what experiences it causes in you.
  2. Take the responsibility. To show responsibility – means to realize that you always have a choice – to react with love or with fear. What are you afraid of? Now realize that you, perhaps, are afraid to be accused of the same what you blame other person for.
  3. Understand other person and remove stress. To remove stress and to understand other person, put yourself on his place and feel its intentions. Think of that, as he, perhaps, blames both himself, and you – for the same what you blame him for. He is afraid as well as you.


Give yourself time necessary for passing of all stages of forgiveness. On one stage day, on another – the most important that your desire to pass these stages was sincere can be required year by you. The psychological trauma and resistance of an ego is more severe, the more it is required to time.

If the stage 6 is very difficult, know that it resists your ego. If you think: “For what reason I have to apologize to this person if not I offended him, but he me? I had all bases to be angry with it!” – it tells your ego, but not your heart. The most important desire of your heart – • to live in the world and compassion to others.

Do not worry if the person to whom you apologize reacts not as you expected. Some things cannot almost be foreseen. He can tell, change of nothing a topic of conversation, be surprised, refuse to speak about it, to begin to cry, ask forgiveness for you, to fall to you into arms, etc. Try to treat with understanding feelings of other person – as well as to own.

As I noted in the description of the sixth stage of forgiveness, you should not say to the person who offended you, that forgave him. On that is three reasons:

  1. It can turn out that the person with whom you are angry had at all no intention to offend you. The reality very often differs from our perception. Perhaps, this person even did not suspect that you took offense.
  2. You have to understand that forgiveness is necessary for you, for release of. To forgive other person – means to take a necessary step to forgiveness of itself.
  3. You have to realize also that not within your power truly to forgive other person. Only he can forgive himself,
  4. Forgive yourself. It is the most important stage of forgiveness. To forgive itself, grant to yourself the right to be afraid, to show a sl Bost, to be mistaken, have shortcomings, to suffer and be angry. At mi itself it what you are at the moment, knowing that this temporary state.
  5. Feel desire to ask forgiveness. Preparing for a stage imagine that you apologize to the person whom you condemned, criticized or accused of something. If this image causes in you feeling of joy and freedom, you are ready to the following stage.
  6. Meet the person for whom you want to ask forgiveness. Tell it about the experiences and ask forgiveness that condemned, criticized or hated it. That you forgave him, mention only if he starts talking about it.
  7. Establish connection or make the decision on the parent.

Remember a similar situation in the past with the person representing for you the power, authority – with the father, mother, the grandfather, the grandmother, the teacher, etc. This person has to be the same floor, as the one whom you just forgave. Repeat with it all stages of forgiveness.

If emotions which you experience are directed against you, pass stages 1,2,4 and 7.

If the person does not want to accept your request for forgiveness, it means that he cannot forgive himself. You can forgive him, but it is not enough.

If you tell other person about the experiences, and he from surprise begins to justify himself, to him, perhaps, it seemed that you accuse him. If so, so you did not forgive this person yet and hope that he will change.

If you, being going to meet this person, hope that he will understand all depth of your sufferings and will ask for you forgiveness, you still did not forgive him. B any case you should not be angry with yourself; just you need a little more time for transition to stages 2 and 3. Possibly, you already forgave this person mind, but did not manage to forgive him heart yet. To forgive the person mind – means to understand motives of its actions, but it does not give either relief, or internal release. It often occurs. Forgiveness by mind – the good beginning as it at least demonstrates good will.

Remember: to forgive someone does not mean at all that you agree with its charges. Forgiving someone, you kind of say that you look eyes of heart and see something more important at heart this person, than his charge.

Thanks to this forgiveness, it will be easier for you to grant to itself the right to be oneself and show the human feelings.

And now let’s consider three emotions which people experience more difficultly in total fear, anger and grief. Usually suppresses these emotions of people, controls, hides – in a word, does everything that not to endure them as they chafe the sincere wounds got in the childhood and youth. These wounds arise under the influence of five negative psychological factors: injuries rejected, injuries left, injuries of humiliation, treachery and injustice.

Instead of granting to itself the right to be imperfect and to suffer from sincere wounds, most of people continues to accuse others, including them the reasons of the fear, anger and grief. For this reason people experience so many negative emotions, and emotions, in turn, cause various diseases.

But these emotions can be used for the good:

The fear helps you to understand that you need protection and you look for it. He reminds that the real protection should be looked for in most.

The anger is useful that it helps to find your need for self-affirmation, to clearly formulate the requirements and to listen more attentively to the requirements.

The grief helps you to understand that you suffer from feeling of loss or for fear to lose. The grief teaches the person not to become attached.

To LOVE YOURSELF – means most to be responsible for the life and to grant yourself the right to show this responsibility. If you fall in love with yourself, you will have a healthy body and full of energy which will allow you to fulfill all the dreams you may have.

I hope, this book will help you to find deeper understanding, more full-fledged and happy life filled with love more than once. Never forget that your internal GOD uses all possible means and through your body speaks, reminds you: